Aed jokes
Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.
Get the whip, you're out!
Q: What's the best way to carve wood?
A: Whittle by whittle.
What's an orphan's favorite meme?
Homer going into a bush.
Might take a while to notice and this one is bad.
One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."
Michael Jackson is pure cheese.
I mean, Jacko comes on a little cracker.
How many people fit in a tree?
I don't know, you tell me.
I wrote an essay today about Africa, and I FAILED even though I wrote a perfect rendition of the Hunger Games storyline.
What's the difference between an abortion and a baby girl in China? Nothing, they both die.
When Helen Keller drives a car, people call her Asian.
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!" (from Elton John)
What do a priest and a pedo have in common?
Nothing, they both like kids.
What do you call an Asian, a blind man, and a very bad driver?
Are you a gun, because I would be your bullets because I love going in children.
Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.
What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan? The apples get picked.
Yo mama is so fat, she gave a memory foam mattress Alzheimer's.
Yo mama is so retarded, they tell her it was gonna be chilly outside, she went and got a bowl!
What’s the difference between a pig and Maddie McCann?
Least a pig had an apple in its mouth when it was spit roasted.
Why can’t USA and England play chess?
The USA has no towers, and England doesn’t have a queen.