Aed jokes
My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
What do you call a sad rabbit? Unhoppy.
Why isn't there a sad sunglasses emoji? To show that I am happy but I'm still cool.
What does a pedophile call an orphanage?
A supermarket.
Why did the orphan stop playing baseball?
Because baseball has a home, and an orphan does not.
Laugh now.
What is the difference between Clash Royale and the Twin Towers?
Clash Royale still has a tower.
Yo mama is so stupid, she thought Instagram was a weed delivery service.
Your hairline so far back, it's a wide receiver for the Minnesota Vikings.
The first time you have to do a full body workout in chess.
Why [doesn't] Hollywood make a good movie about holocausts?
Because it's so hard to skin Jewish characters.
How does a cannibal start a wedding reception?
He toasts the groom.
I pulled a prank on my friend the other day. I painted a portrait of the backrooms blueprints while he was sleeping. Still had some extra space.
If being sexy was a crime, you can call me......... a law-abiding citizen.
Meow meow, I'm a cow and I like cum cum cum.
What do you call Panera bread that has been weathered and eventually gathered and via cementation and pressure, it becomes a layer of different materials and is also one of the most common types of rock in the sea?
Panera Sed!
What's the difference between a low tide and your hairline?
Nothing, they're both receding.
Q: What do you call a shed full of black fellas?
A: Retired Farming Machinery.
If someone is bullying you for being fat, remember, you're the bigger person, a MUCH bigger person.
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.
The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"