Aed jokes
Johnny Depp to a 15-year-old girl: "Wow, look at that sexy body! Savvy!"
Michael Jackson, when talking about a 6-year-old boy: "The boy is mine! That doggone boy is mine! Don't waste your time...."
Donald Trump, Bill Clinton, and Jeffrey Epstein entering and exclaiming, "Wow, this place is more fun than the Playboy Mansion!"
He sang a love song to a rat, yet stans are befuddled on why people keep calling their idol "Wacko Jacko".
What's a Parkinson's victim's least favorite song?
Taylor Swift - "Shake it Off".
Why was the North Tower a bad doctor when the South Tower collapsed?
Because the North Tower didn’t do CPR.
Why did Al Qaeda lose $100 on a bet?
They bet $100 that they wouldn't crash when they went through the Twin Towers.
My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...
So I threw a coconut at her.
How can you tell an Asian guy is awake?
You can never tell.
Your mummy is so tall, she uses the Eiffel Tower as a dildo.
Your mama's so fat that she can’t even talk, even if Kevin says, "Oh my gosh!" 'cause she has a big ass mouth.
What is the similarity between math and buildings?
Two parallel lines can be intersected by a plane.
Q: What are cheetahs?
A: The worst card players!
What do you say when your pet pig gets lost?
This is a pig problem!
What jumps higher than a basketball player?
An emo kid, they never touch the ground.
How can a man make the world safer?
By having the chop.
I have a lot of money, but I don't waste it.
So people call me poor until they see my bank account.
I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.
What food has an orphan made?
Homemade food.
What's a gun's favorite type of literature?
Magazine.
A brother and sister were hanging out, and the brother was sad, so the sister asked why. The brother replies with, "I think I need to break up with you!"
Why did the orphan have an empty bowl?
Because they already ate their supper.