Aed jokes
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.
She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”
The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”
The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”
What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette?
Your camera.
A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde walk into a bar.
They were having a chat when the bartender asked them about their opinions on elements.
The redhead says, “I love gold because I can buy a lot of cars with it.”
The brunette says, “I would prefer platinum because it is more valuable than gold and can buy you more cars.”
The blonde says, “I have 2 bags of silicon and you should see the cars outside my house.”
Why did the emo kid get mad?
I wore a “Just Do It” shirt.
Who would win in a fight, in a boxing ring? Mike Tyson or Helen Keller with a Tommy gun?
Mike Tyson. Helen Keller never heard the bell.
Roses are red, violets are blue, You told me I'm ugly, nah, you look like a monkey!
What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?
A mass murderer.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th grade. Which one is the sexiest?
The blonde, because she’s the only one who’s 18.
Why are Indian people bad at Monopoly?
Because whenever they hit the corner, they build a shop.
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill two and a half men.
What do you call a religious drug addict?
A crystal methodist.
Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.
“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”
“Why is that?”
“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”
Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”
What pronouns would Michael Jackson have used as a Gender Identifier?
“He/he.”
Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?
Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.
Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?
Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”
What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?
Both are sick and twisted.
Why aren’t Make-A-Wish kids allowed to fly?
Because they rarely make it out of the terminal.
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
I found a dog outside a store, so I took him home with me.
The dog was standing outside a blind supplies store.
What’s the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.