Aed jokes
I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?
Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? -- It was a noble gas.
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. The odds were against me.
Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.
Two silk worms got in a fight. It ended in a tie.
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? -- Because the cow has the udder.
Why couldn't a lifeguard save the hippie? -- Because he was too far out, man.
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? -- It was a grave mistake.
Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
What has a bottom at the top?
Your legs.
What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?
A pool table.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What kind of dog can do magic tricks?
A labracadabrador.
I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.
What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"
How many ears does Captain Picard have?
Three: A left ear, a right ear, and a final front-ear.
What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? The hockey player showers after 3 periods.
What's the difference between a gay and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.
What do you call cows that have a sense of humor? -- Laughing stock.