Aed jokes
A rooster ran across the border from the USA to Canada and laid an egg. Which country does that egg belong to?
Roosters don't lay eggs.
I asked my midget neighbor if he wanted a lift. He told me to "Fuck off!!!" I thought, what a cheeky cunt and zipped my backpack up and walked away.
What weapon does a fat Jedi use?
A heavy saber.
A pornstar committed suicide; her coworkers must be taking it hard.
What do you call a Twinkie with two pairs of pants?
Double trousers.
When a person asked to see her balance at a bank, they pushed him over.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
I'm serious, what's a "dad?"
What is a "dad?"
This one kid I knew had Down syndrome, and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?
He was lucky it was a soft drink!
Why can't a dinosaur clap? Because it's dead.
Why did Susan drop her ice cream? She was hit by a bus.
They say masturbation is better with a dead arm. Apparently, I ruined that funeral.
How do you name a Chinese person?
You drop a metal spoon on a tile floor.
What do you call a person with only one arm?
Half-assed.
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone chucked a brick at her.
Why did Sally throw a clock out the window? She had brain damage from the brick.
And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
How were tire swings made?
A tire said, "Goodbye world," and hung himself.