Aed jokes
Q: What's the best way to eat a squirrel?
A: Open up its little legs.
Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.
A blind man is going for a walk. Eventually, he reaches a fish market.
He yells, "Hello ladies!"
"9/11 was just a really intense game of Jenga."
I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.
Astronomers got tired of watching the moon rotate around the earth for 24 hours, so they just called it a "day".
There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds, "Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Huh Ruh Buh Duh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"
Did you fall from heaven? Because you really did a damage on your face.
What do you call a person who smokes?
Smokey the Bear.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a coffee bean grower?
De-calf!
Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.
She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."
Three men walk into a bar... you would have thought the last one would have ducked.
They are making a movie about clocks.
It’s about time.
My family is like a treasure.
You need a map and shovel to find them.
You know the difference between happy tailgaters and angry tailgaters?
Happy tailgaters know how to throw a party.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.
Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on a scale, it said "Damn!"
What's Trump's favorite instrument?
A TRUMPet!!!
You want a pizza from me!!!!