Aed jokes
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."
Yo mama is so fat, when she took a walk, she made an earthquake!
I’ve two dogs and two cats, and they are all Democrats. They want a handout everyday.
I’d tell a sodium and hydrogen pun, but NaH.
Why did the Duck go to rehab?
Because he was a Quackhead.
The Homo Sexual was a direct descendant of the Homo Genital Erectus, which went extinct in 2037 for being easily offended and its unwillingness to breed.
Q: What’s the difference between me and you?
A: I’m not wasting my time reading this joke.
What does a pirate say to his girlfriend?
I want your booty!
Q: What's black, white, and Asian?
A: A panda!
What do you call a dog magician?
Labracadabrador!
— Wanna hear a joke about ghosts?
— No.
— That's the spirit!
God creating bees.
God: "Put a needle on their butt."
Angel: "Come on, God, wha-"
God: "Make its puke delicious."
Angel: "WTF"
God creating spiders.
God: "Make it have 8 legs." Angel: "Ok? Bit excessive but ok." God: "And 8 eyes." Angel: "You need to calm down and li-" God: "Give it a butt rope!"
Hey, look, it's Bai! (insert the picture of a Bai drink)
What did the explorer say when he got tired?
I'm gonna take a map.
When this guy fell off a cliff, he got an A+ for egg-cellence!
What do you call a bad "egg" meme?
Deep fried!
A man walking on his roof, carrying an axe. He drops it on someone below him and says, "Sorry, it was an axe-cident!"
A son walks up to his dad and says, "Dad! I just had sex for the first time."
The dad goes, "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it?"
The son says, "I can't sit right now, my butt is very sore."