Aed jokes
So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"
Q: What do Mexicans love to wear in the air force?
A: Air Force Juans.
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
Head look like a mf gorilla pop.
Two kids were sitting at a restaurant. One said, "Could I please have some water? I am feeling a little HORSE." The other said, "Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game."
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it's from.
What's a retard's favorite rock band? Syndrome of a Down.
A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says "What's wrong?" The woman says "I've never been hugged before." So, the man gives her a hug and walks away.
The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says "What's wrong, now?" The woman says "I've never been kissed before." So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away.
The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says "Oh, for Christ's sake! What's wrong, this time?!" The woman says "Well, I've never been fucked before." So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells "YOU'RE FUCKED!"
What do you call a chicken that catches ghosts? A poultrygeist.
This is a joke in itself.
I was walking by a prison when I saw a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down the fence. When he hit the ground and sneered at me, I said, “Well, that’s a little condescending.”
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?"
A skeleton goes sky diving. Doesn't come back in one piece.
Two gay kids made their version of the Jack and Jill nursery rhyme.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pair of lattes.
What does it take to paint a wall red?
Kurt Cobain and his shotgun.
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, "She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?" The wife replies, "Perform the fucking autopsy!"
I don't know why everyone cares so much about 3D printers. I've had a Canon printer for years.
So Paul Walker made a rap cover. It is called "Straight Out of Windshield."
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
I was really rooting to tell that one.
On Christmas, Mexicans wake up in the morning, then take a nap.
Joking, I know they work hard. They run all the way to the border to decorate the barbed wire.