Aed jokes
How is an orphan like a boomerang?
They always come back!
What is scarier than a pile of dead babies?
The bottom one ate its way out!
It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
"What are my choices?" he asked.
"Yes or No," she replied.
Trump.
Get it because Trump is a joke hahaha, I am sooo bad!
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
A baby seal walks into a club...
I work at a tire shop.
I'm pretty tired.
You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.
What is a cow's favorite dance move?
The milkshake.
A man is meeting a client in Japan, but arrives a day early. When night hit, he went out with a prostitute. They're having sex, but the prostitute kept shouting "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!", so the man thinks he's doing a good job. The next day, the man meets his client and they go golfing, and the client gets a hole in one. The man praises him by going "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!". His client turns around confused and says, "What do you mean wrong hole!?"
Make a wish kid: I want to meet Mac Miller.
Make a wish staff: You will soon, chief.
So, my friend's birthday is in a couple of days, and I was wondering what to get him.
He hangs out at my house a lot, so I suggested adoption papers.
There was a chicken sitting on the bench. Then came another one. Then there were two.
I'm like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside.
People shouldn’t be afraid during a zombie apocalypse.
They can stay in their living room.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
Someone threw a cup at my eye. I told 911 that I was mugged.
What did Yarn Yoshi say to Poochy whilst trying to solve a puzzle?
"Alright Poochy, it's time to get crafty!"
What do you call a place where people die?
Rosshall Academy.
What do you call a retreat in war?
A backup plan.