Aed jokes

There's a new horror movie about Stephen Hawking.

It's called "Unplugged!"

Q: Why did Sally fall off the building?

A: Her dad pushed her.

There are 50 dogs and 48 cats.

How many are hungry?

A. 10

My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I'll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.

How Jupiter was discovered.

Once there was a fat lady who farted yellow, orange, and peach. All that fart went to space and created a planet that NASA saw and went over there, but it smelled really bad.

Everyone is talking about Head and Shoulders, and that if he never had a shower, his batteries would have got wet.

Have you ever met a knight with a metanite at night?

So, a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "Alright, so a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "Okay, here you go." So he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink.

One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles.

The cops arrived and arrested the woman for killing her cheating husband, and the son was sent to child services. (Moral - no one cares about the frkn snail and turtles!)

I joke about 9/11 because if I did it, it would have a tendency to crash and burn.

I'd tell you a joke about infinity, but I'm afraid it will never end.

Doctor: "You're as healthy as a horse!"

Jimmy: "That's great!"

Doctor: "A horse with cancer."

1: My grandpa died last year.

2: What kind of cancer?

1: He was hit by a bus! It's called bus cancer.

What do cells call their friends with? A cell phone.

That moment when you realize you do not have a joke and someone ends up laughing at what you still wrote anyway.

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”

My family is like a cactus; a bunch of pricks.

What is a necrophiliac's favorite band?

Coldplay.

Where does a pianist go on vacation?

The Florida Keys.

A Mexican was doing a magic trick. He said, "uno, dos," then disappeared without a trace.