Aed jokes
I used to date a girl named Ruth, but she broke up with me and now I am ruthless.
Q: What does a microwave and an M1 Garand have in common?
A: They both go “ping” when they’re done.
Today; worst day ever.
My annoying sibling got hit by a train, and I lost my job as a conductor.
I told a cookie a joke the other day.
It just crumbled.
A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.
The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.
What is the skeleton's favorite instrument?
A xylophone.
This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian says, "F*** no, you won’t return it!"
A retard won a break-dancing competition. All he did was go to get a drink.
If Stephen Hawking is dying, where do I take him, Currys PC World, or a hospital?
What is it called when a gay guy punches someone?
Fruit punch.
I am having a shit and there[sic] nothing else to read.
Carter is a pussy.
A man says, "I'm flying!" He realizes he was pushed out of a plane.
What’s the difference between a 5.7l v8 and a dead baby?
If you lift the hood on my car, you won’t find a 5.7l v8.
What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..
There is none.
What skeleton does Crap-ton of?
A "bone".
Why did Steven Hawking die?
A quad rasher ran him over.
Never trust a donkey; they are always full of shit.
What's the difference between a yandere and a gun?
Nothing.
Flip them off the wrong way and you're dead.
Why does Santa not have any children?
He only cums once a year.