Aed jokes

Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God, it's so cute!"

Also me: "Throw it."

What's a Latino's favorite sport? Lacrosse.

What's the best way to get ten babies in a bowl?

A blender.

What's the best way to get them out?

A blender.

I was walking, and I saw an orphan, and I said, "Where are your parents?"

A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?

Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.

One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"

Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.

Me: I finished a book with 100 pages.

Someone else: How was it?

Me: It's a long story.

So you get a new job, and here's something about this guy named Mike.

The next day you go into the office and Mike is sitting next to you, with unicorns and rainbows and stuff. Then, a co-worker comes up and says, "No one told you Mike was gonna be this GGGAAAAYYYYY *clap clap clap clap*."

My father said I'm too reliant on technology.

I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support.

I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."

What do you call a dog wearing a beret?

Smeargle!

I have a lot of eggcellent egg puns, get the yolk... Oh come on, don't be hard-boiled!

What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?

Quarter pounder with cheese.

How do you organize a space party?

You planet.

There was a little boy named Chris who was addicted to Roblox.

One day, his grandpa fell into a deep coma caused by a head injury.

One day, little Chris went to visit his poor grandpa. He brought his Windows 10 too, but it had no charge in it. After pulling out some wires and placing his into the wall, he started to hear a long beeping sound, but ignored it and continued to play Roblox. Chris's parents came and saw what had happened.

The dad then yelled, "You dumb f***, you killed my father!!!"

Then Chris said "Yeah. He was worth robucks, too."

Q: Why did the flat earther become gay?

A: He knows a thing or two about giving dome.

Q: Why did he eventually become asexual?

A: He doesn't believe in anything south of the border.

I got a horse and I named it Hermio-nae.

Once, there was a brother and a sister that shared a YouTube channel. He named it "Penis Dick Marathon."

What happens when a guy is in a pool with a deck and no one is around? The guy has to pee, get up on the deck, and stick it between the bars and pee.