Aed jokes
My nan coughed and threw up a lung. Now she is dead.
How do you know a gay guy has been in your house?
There are speedos in the microwave.
What do you call a cow that has been shot?
Holy cow!
How would Steven Hawking's mom punish him as a kid?
Power off his chair.
Once a mustang, always a mustang. - Mr. Shaw
What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?
Nothing because they can't open the gift.
Why is a circle gay?
It's not straight.
A dad and his son walk out to the middle of the woods armed only with a shovel and a lantern.
Son: "Dad, it's creepy out here!"
Dad: "You're complaining? I'm the one that has to leave the woods alone!"
I've done a skele-TON of work to think of this joke. Trust me, I've got a FEW more jokes!
Hi, I'm a skeleton and I know a skele-TON of jokes!
Seven days without a pun makes one weak.
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued oh how I wish I was dead so that I no longer have to brood.
Death would be a reprieve as I would no longer have to be true, and I would no longer have to be around any of you.
What do you call an octopus whose father left?
An octopie.
Why didn't the sun get a job? Seriously, I have no idea why. Help me!
My friend Richard is always bullying all the little kids in the neighborhood. He is such a dick.
I went to the bathroom and into a stall to see a hole in the wall. It reminded me of "The Lickable Wallpaper" from "Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory." I jokingly started licking. Though, the carrot tasted musky and kinda wrinkly.
When is a piece of wood made king?
When it's a ruler.
Bread is like an orphan: plain and stale and no fam.
A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards...
The steaks were pretty high.
What is the best way to end a cookbook?
And that’s a wrap!