Aed jokes
Q: Two skeletons walk into a bar. What happens?
A: They fall.
(They walked into a BAR, as in a rod or whatnot.)
What do you call a baby kangaroo? Joey.
What do you call a 6 year old named Joey? Supper.
A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. "One more picture and I'll jump." He takes another photo and shuts the window. "I can't jump, you're not supposed to throw trash out the window."
What is killing your friend called?
A homie-side.
A blond and her brunette friend were chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her.
To not be outdone, the blond retorts:
"That's nothing! Once we were in the kitchen, I can't believe I didn't see it coming. One minute I turned, and he just got it all on my face! It was so thick and hard! It covered my mouth, my nose, my shoulders, and eyes. It even got in my hair, and when I looked up at him, all he could say was, 'Whoops! The flower went everywhere!'"
Say "I'm a man" after every sentence.
You walk into a bar. (I'm a man.) You find a girl. (I'm a man.) You take her home. (I'm a man.) She whispers in your ear. (I'm a man.)
A girl asks her Asian boyfriend if he wants to eat her pussy. He asks her why she is taking off her clothes, instead of cooking her cat.
What is a retard's favorite race? The grand autismo.
Me: I fucked your mom.
Orphan: I don't have a mom so you fucked the air.
"Ligma" is a disease, so does that mean "ligma balls?"
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite toy as a child?
Hot Wheels.
What's a furry's favorite news network?
Fox!
What do you call a deaf child?
-Ryan Simmonite-
People can say whatever they want about pedophiles. At least they are pursuing their dreams.
In a white van.
Do you want to hear a joke about a construction?
Sorry, still working on it!
This will take a ton of time.
A skele-ton.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a fish?
A genetically unstable animal that is impossible and would die instantly upon existing. If it could live, it would be a deformed, parasitic tumor that undulates through people.
An assassin threatens a planet.
The planet remains calm.
The assassin: "Do you not realize the gravity of this situation?"
My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a "two for one special."
I thought my wife was joking when she said she was gonna leave me because I wouldn’t stop singing “I'm a believer,” but then I saw her face.