Aed jokes
So, a daughter goes to her dad and says, "Daddy, can I borrow the car?" He then tells her, "You know what to do." So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust, and says, "Ugh, tastes like shit." Her dad then said, "Damn, I forgot your brother took the car."
My dad was on a hotdog with ketchup.
Nolan is a mole, who lives in a hole, and then had intercourse with a troll.
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.
To be honest, I should have seen the signs.
What's the difference between a chocolate cake and a dead baby?
About 5000 calories.
You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.
A man walks into his house, only to find out somebody stole all of his lamps. He was absolutely delighted.
Q: Two skeletons walk into a bar. What happens?
A: They fall.
(They walked into a BAR, as in a rod or whatnot.)
What do you call a baby kangaroo? Joey.
What do you call a 6 year old named Joey? Supper.
A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. "One more picture and I'll jump." He takes another photo and shuts the window. "I can't jump, you're not supposed to throw trash out the window."
What is killing your friend called?
A homie-side.
A blond and her brunette friend were chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her.
To not be outdone, the blond retorts:
"That's nothing! Once we were in the kitchen, I can't believe I didn't see it coming. One minute I turned, and he just got it all on my face! It was so thick and hard! It covered my mouth, my nose, my shoulders, and eyes. It even got in my hair, and when I looked up at him, all he could say was, 'Whoops! The flower went everywhere!'"
Say "I'm a man" after every sentence.
You walk into a bar. (I'm a man.) You find a girl. (I'm a man.) You take her home. (I'm a man.) She whispers in your ear. (I'm a man.)
A girl asks her Asian boyfriend if he wants to eat her pussy. He asks her why she is taking off her clothes, instead of cooking her cat.
What is a retard's favorite race? The grand autismo.
Me: I fucked your mom.
Orphan: I don't have a mom so you fucked the air.
"Ligma" is a disease, so does that mean "ligma balls?"
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite toy as a child?
Hot Wheels.
What's a furry's favorite news network?
Fox!
What do you call a deaf child?
-Ryan Simmonite-