Aed jokes
Why did the glacier send the iceberg to college?
Because, in order for ice to exist, it must retain a temperature of less than... ZERO DEGREES at the atomic level!
What is an alien's favourite chocolate?
A Mars bar.
What kind of person will steal Captain Hook's hook?
Answer: A hooker.
Where does Captain Hook buy his hook?
At a second-hand store.
My new stepfather told me that I'm his new son, so I said okay.
My stepfather said that my and your mom have a few things in common. I said, "Yeah, like what?" My stepfather said, "Well, you came out of your mother's pussy; I eat your mother's pussy. You used to suck on your mother's tits; now I suck on your mother's tits. Your mother used to smack you in the ass when you act up; now I smack your mom in the ass now. Your mother calls me daddy; now I am your new daddy."
I saw a trophy in my sister's room. So I said congratulations on your cheer leading. My sister said I didn't win the trophy for cheer leading, so I asked why. My sister said I won because I give the best jobs.
Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.
“May I smoke a cigar?” asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies, “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”
Johnny replied, “No,” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” asks Johnny.
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
“No.”
The day after that, Grandpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” asked the grandpa.
“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."
My mom showed me that she could deep throat a banana. I asked how you know how to do that. My mom said, "I practice on your stepfather."
What did the make-a-wish kid say when the Avengers turn up without Tony Stark?
"We are in the endgame now!"
I need to go to the hospital because I'm getting shot by a PUN.
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.
I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.
I'm doing something Stephen Hawking can't do... pressing "I'm not a robot."
I was at a football match, and the ball was getting closer. Then it hit me. *face palm*
Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
“Wills”
Are they a dead giveaway!
A twin engine has two engines.
If one engine stops, the other will have just enough power to get the plane to the scene of the accident.
What is black and white and sits in a tree?
A fridge wearing a leather jacket! XD
How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike?
You can't get either one at home.