Aed jokes

So, I got my blind friend a Big Mac for his birthday. A week later, he walked up to me and said,

"Damn, that was the most violent book I've ever read."

I would tell you my jokes about pogs, but they would eventually get too boar-ing.

Yo mama so fat that when she crossed the road, people mistook her for a roundabout.

What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.

A man walks into a store and orders 2 large chips. They give them to him and he says:

"I ordered 2 large chips, not 100 little ones!"

How to get 1000 followers on Instagram?

Run through Africa with a bottle of water.

Colder than the conversation between a fat guy and a Super Model...

I pooped in a bottle and stuck my finger through it.

I took some of the boo boo out, licked it, and rubbed it on a wall, making a BOO BOO portal. I jumped into it and I saw BOO BOO LAND. I rolled all in the chunk poop and drank the diarrhea.

At night, before I got in bed with my girl, I had 206 bones, but I developed a 207th bone.

Nobody

Literally nobody

Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven?

What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?

Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.

Q: Why did the Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the second Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the first Koala.

Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.

When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.

So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."

I went home one day. My mom said, "Look what a few guys got me." It was a MILF trophy.

My mom asked what does that mean. So I said, "Mom's I'd Like To Fuck." Then my mom said, "These guys want to fuck me?" I said, "Yeah." Then my mom said, "I still got it!"

Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?

Because he's dead.

What’s a lesbian’s favorite sport? Dodge balls.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!

How do you make a hormone?

Don't pay her.

What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.