Aed jokes

There was a news story the other day where a magician disappeared. He was like "At the count of 3 I will disappear aight...Uno, Dos," and he disappeared without a trace.

Hello, I'm hahaha. What do you call a funny rubber toe?

Roberto!!~!~!!! AaaaAQAAAHAHAHAA. And like hahaha, what's wrong with airline food? They're not black and they're not people.

what do you call a shadow stalker REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I'm a fat cow.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and have some fun.

Silly Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son.

How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemetery has.

Stephen Hawking is such a bad role model for our kids.

He only ever looks one way when crossing the street.

A few male neighbors came over to the house to take a shower because, for some reason, their house didn't have water.

A few minutes later, I walk into the shower. I see the male neighbors and Mom taking a shower together. Then I said, "What are you doing?" They all say, "We're taking a shower together so we could save water."

Q: Why is Japan the healthiest country?

A: Last time they had a fat man, 80,000 people died.

What do you call a cow that was hit by an anvil? A flat iron steak.

Three nuns are talking, and the first nun says, "You would never believe what I discovered." Intrigued, the others signal her to continue. "I found a phone in the priest's room," said the first nun. "Oh, that's nothing," said the second one. "I found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. "What did you do with them?" said the first nun. Pridefully, the second nun responds with, "I poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "Oh sh*t...."

Q: Get up for a chair joke!

A: Oh, never mind, you can sit down.

How do you know if someone is anorexic? You toss them a onion ring and see if they eat it, or use it as a hula hoop.

Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."

Jig, Jill, Bill ate a pill.

Q: Why can't a blonde call 911?

A: Because she can't find the 11.

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off."

Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"

The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."

"Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.

So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause!

She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"

"No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out."

Now, how about that drink?

My friend told me she had a good joke and it beat all mine. I said, "Haha, that is funny!"

"Go big or go home," that's what some people say.

"Go loud and proud," that's what other people say.

"Go out with a big, loud bang!" that's what I say.

Friend #1: "Yo guys, what's the most unfair game you've ever played? For me it's Fortnite."

Friend #2: "I'd have to say Monopoly."

Me: "The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it's a one-way game."

Friend #2: "Uhh...that's not exactly what he meant..."

Friend #1: *calls the suicide hotline*