Aed jokes

What do you get when you cross a pig with a dinosaur?

Jurassic Park.

There is a kid in my class who is allergic to peanuts. He says he's gay. He can't be though... he's allergic to nuts!

I’m a clown...

And everyone knows.

What do you do with a dead scientist?

You barium.

Two drunk men spot a pig on some old farmer's land.

And they were real hungry (or so they said), and they both decided to take the pig with them into their car and eat it somewhere.

And so they did, and the farmer came out with a gun while they hurriedly drove off, and the farmer said, "Well goddammit, if it was a pig they wanted, why didn't they just take my wife?"

Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?

Students: Eggs.

Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?

Kids: Bacon.

Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?

Kids: Homework.

A dad asked his son what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday, and he replied, "How about a urinal cake?!"

A man takes his dog out and steps in shit. He exclaims "WHAT THE DEUCE!"

Why did the vegetable go to jail?

He kaled a man and stole a 9-carat gold bar.

I was taking a walk near the prison when I saw a good looking guy climbing down the fence, and when he noticed me, he gave me a sneer! It was pretty condescending.

Two cows standing in a paddock, one says, "Moo." The other turns to him and says, "I was just going to say that!"

Kenny's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I gave him a thumb and forefinger job.

I had to give up my vegetarian diet.

Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.

I ran into a dwarf and he said: "Well, I’m not Happy."

Then which one are you?

See you later, crocodile.

In a while, pedophile.

I got pranked so many times. Once I saw two wheels rolling down the street. I heard this noise. I looked behind me. There's a legless man in a wheelless chair screaming, "HELP! I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" but I walked away. I knew it was a prank.

Me walking in to the office:

Principal: Tell me, what did you do?

Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...

Why does it take three women with PMS to screw in a lightbulb?

IT JUST DOES!!!!

What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...