Aed jokes
What is a bald eagle's favorite chip?
Preagles!
I went to the bank to apply for a Personal Loan.
Then they found out I wanted to be a rapper, so they didn't want to Post M"loan."
What do squirrels and men have in common?
They always want a nut.
What do you call a person with a hole in their shoe?
A Christian.
Why did the monster 🧟♀️ put the cook in a bowl?
He wanted a chef salad. 🥗😂
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense. Baby, we didn’t spend all that time in the closet for nothing.
If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree, which will hit the ground first?
The piece of paper because the rope will stop the emo.
How do you make a plumber cry?
Break his pipes...
Jerry: My dad got into a fight on a plane.
Jeremy: That's just *plane* crazy!
Why can’t orphans be a space ship? Because they don’t have a mothership!
Person A: Hey, what's the next subject?
Person B: Let me check.
Person B: It's greenglish!
An old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her off the edge without knowing it was her cash she wanted to check, so I died to help her!
I had bullies behind me on the street, but they were too fat and slow, so they got ran over by a truck that represents fat and slow.
What do a blackjack dealer and my uncle have in common?
They both hit me face down on the table.
Mother: We need to talk about sex...
Jason: Oh, sex, tell me what do you wanna know.
Jason had a big whooping from his mother and big spanking from his dad.
Leo: Mother, what is an idiot?
Mother: An idiot is someone that explains something in a long, boring way so that the person that the idiot is trying to explain to doesn't understand.
Mother: Do you understand?
Leo: No.
Ryan: Mother, if you had 10 cookies, and I took 4 away from you, how much do you have?
Mother: I will still have ten cookies, because I will not give any to you.
Ryan: What if I forcefully take 4 cookies away from you?
Mother: I will have 10 cookies and a dead body.
Ryan and his mother had cookies that day. Ryan took all 10 cookies. He was never seen again. R.I.P Ryan.
My childhood tormentor was at school. I walked through so I could get to class.
And then he said, "Hey, you donkey!"
I said, "Thank you, I'm so happy that I'm something, not nothing like you!" And I gave him a pink lollipop. He walked off. And I became popular. Or should I say, Lolli-Popular? Sorry.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell them to clap until their parents come home.
I'm deaf. My deaf ex-wife cheated on me with a guy who I met on a deaf social trip who was also deaf. I guess I didn't see the signs at the time.