Aed jokes
A hot girl wants to commit suicide and jump from a bridge when an ugly, smelly, homeless weirdo walks up to her. And he says, "Hey you hot babe, let's fuck." She just answers, "Get the fuck away you ugly bastard." The guy just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."
When I am getting bored, I hold a banana and start shaking it suddenly. It gives out juice after a few minutes. I get excited. Ohhhhhh!
Try with a cucumber.
What does a car have when it's very itchy?
A road rash.
Jesus was a carpenter who got nailed to a piece of wood.
What do you call an Afghan in the bath? A bath bomb.
What do you get when you cross a clergyman and a politician?
A panhandler.
Got into a fight last night. We both had blades. He cut me deep. I thought I was gone, but he forgot to keep the water running.
Weird thing was that we were in the fight of our lives in the restroom and that guy kinda looked like me.
Are you a grave, 'cause I want you on me?
Stop joking with cancer.
- From a survivor :)
What is red and shaped like a bucket?
A red bucket.
Me: Sister, stop stealing my stuff or I will make you feel bad.
Sister: No, I won't stop.
Me: Fine, I'm telling the world what you did.
Sister: What? You will see when I post it.
Sister: WHY DID YOU TELL THEM I PEED ON SANTA CLAUS WHEN I WAS 12 YEARS OLD?
Me: BECAUSE YOU DON ́T HAVE A LIFE.
Girl: Hey. Boy: Hi? Girl: I need to tell you something... Boy: WHAT? Girl: I like you. Boy: And I hate you. Boy: YOU'RE A CHICKEN 🐔🐔 🐔 Girl: I HATE YOU YOU POOP 💩💩💩💩 Girl: LOSER L Boy: I thought you said you liked me. Girl: SHUT UP CHICKEN/POOP 💩💩🐔 🐔 Boy: GIRL BYE Girl: Bye Felicia.
What do you call a pissed off midget?
A micro-aggression.
Why was the orphan walking through the neighborhood? I don't know, either. It's not like he has a home to go to.
Mom: "I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes."
Me: "Why did you?"
Mom: "I was very drunk..."
Explains a lot...
Me: Hey, Mom? Why do we celebrate birthdays?
Mom: Because that's the day a new life was born, and people are born every day so every day is a special day.
My thoughts: And my friend wonders why I have depression...
What do you get when you throw a pile of dead babies into a fryer?
Kentucky Fried Children!
What's it called when you eat those same babies?
Finger Lickin' Good!
When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."
I wish I could say that my life is a joke, but I can't because jokes have a meaning.
Are you a race car?
Cuz I’m tryna fuck.