Aed jokes
Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes, and everyone is trying to shit on ya.
I'm a nonbinary trash can.
Why was the turtle looking at her phone?
She wanted to take a shellfie.
What do condoms and whores have in common?
Answer: There is a lot that comes in every box.
Why did the dog want a kiss? Because he can see his knees.
China should be a baseball team because they can take out the whole world with just a bat.
Why can't Indians play football? Because every time they take a corner, they make a shop.
My aunt worked as a human cannonball.
I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.
I'd tell ya a poop joke, but you're my favorite turd.
A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,
Librarian: What are you looking for?
Man: I am looking for a book!
Librarian: Which book?
Man: Facebook.
How do you get chewing gum out of a child's hair? Cancer.
An action hero stops a man running by throwing a tire at him.
What is his one liner? "I told you to stop running or you will get tired."
Teacher: We have a new student today class, come introduce yourself.
Student: My name is Buttitches.
Teacher: Please tell us your real name.
Student: Buttitches.
Teacher: I’m calling the police.
Police: Son, please tell me your real name or I’m going to shoot you.
Student: Buttitches.
Police: *shoots gun.*
A few days later, the police go to the funeral and sits behind the mom. While crying, the mom says, "My Buttitches!" The police say, "We’ll scratch it, lady."
How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
She chews before she swallows.
What kind of experience does a feminist have?
Being a bitch.
How do you know when you should tell a heterosexual woman to stop sucking your dick?
When there is blood coming out of your dick instead of sperm.
How do you stop a heterosexual woman from sucking your dick? piss inside her mouth
I'm a recovering cake addict.
Why can't orphans go to an amusement park?
Because they don't have parents!
One day I was at church. I had to sit down. I said, "Who in the world stinks?" I looked down. Turns out it was me, and this is not a joke, but funny.