Aed jokes
Your mom's like a candy machine; she pops out for anybody.
When you realize the person reading this is a clown.
What do you call an orphan family photo?
A selfi.
I was talking to a Muslim yesterday, and he asked me what it's like to be blind.
I happened to tell him about 20 jokes; in fact, I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with, "At least I don't have to screw in light bulbs. It's not like I need the damn things anyway."
I did a bungee jump for charity recently. It was called "spastics on elastics."
Why did lil Timmy drop his lollies?
He was hit by a train.
What's the difference between my basement and my garage?
One has a pile of babies' bodies; the other has their heads.
"There are 20 letters in the alphabet, correct?"
"No, it's 26."
"Oh, I forgot, you are a cutie."
"You're missing one more."
"I'll give you the D later."
"....come to my office at 1pm ASAP."
As a little boy, I walked in on my parents having intercourse one night, and of course, my parents stopped and sent me back to bed.
The next day my dad tells me, "Don't worry son, I wasn't hurting mommy, we were just trying to make you a little sister."
So, when I was young I always wanted a pet. I then looked at my father and asked, "Could you do mommy doggy style next time? I want a puppy."
A girl and her brother are walking in their garden. POV: Brother. Sister: "Why are you cutting those flowers?"
Brother: "Because they're beautiful!"
Sister: "I thought you said you cut yourself because you aren't."
Brother:......
We were so poor that every time I passed by a butcher shop, I thought there had been a horrible accident.
Why did the astronauts take a box of cereal and a cow with them? In case they bypassed the Milky Way!
I came home from school one day and told my cat a kid at school said I was an idiot and told me to go kick rocks, so I did, except I kicked him, not the rocks, and I called him the idiot for not moving out of the way.
Yo mama’s so fat, she wore the equator as a belt! Ooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Yo mama so poor, she chased a garbage truck with a shopping list.
Bully: You're so short you hand-glide on a chip.
Short person: Well, at least I don’t look like a giraffe that just came out of an oven!
Dad: What do you call a crazy creeper?
Mom: Shit, I don't know...
Kid: Crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Dad: That's my boy's!!!
Do you know where priests go at night?
To all night sale at Boys R Us.
I decided to make a charity bungee jump for the local disabled. It's called "Spastics on Elastics."
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboard?
Don't worry, he was just going through a stage.