Aed jokes
A random drunk person ate poop, but he found out it was liquid...
I remember having a crush on my math teacher, so I winked at her and said, "Don't worry, babe, I'll call you later."
Your face was so ugly, you got adopted by a poop!
When a hedgehog finds poop, they put it in their mouths. They mix it with saliva until it's a foam, then rub it on themselves.
This boy was in school one day when he became desperate to go to the bathroom. So he asked the teacher, “May I use the bathroom?”
The teacher replied, “No, not unless you say your alphabet.”
So the boy said, “a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z.”
When he finished, the teacher asked him, “Where’s the p?”
The boy replied, “Half way down my leg...”
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what’s so sad?" and she said, "What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died?" I replied, "probably a bullet." She gasped and said, "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent’s heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
The most unrealistic part of Chotta Bheem is not him eating a laddu and getting power. It's him eating a whole laddu in one shot.
What day can you have sex on?
Answer: Wednesday. Why? Because it's hump day.
A Texan and an Alaskan walk in a room. The Alaskan says, "My state is bigger than yours." The Texan says, "It won't be when it melts!"
I saw a dwarf scaling down a prison wall. I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending."
How many rapists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Punchline: One, but they prefer soda bottles instead.
The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel, so I quickly turned the TV to a fishing channel. On her way out, she said: "You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"
Why did Spider-Man decide to buy a laptop?
So that he could design his own “website.”
Why did the man laugh when he only had just one nickel and one penny in his pocket?
He had a 6 cents of humor.
What does "bitch" mean?
Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"
Wife: Hi babe. Husband: Hey. Wife: Do you wanna? Husband: YES! Wife: Ok, make sure you have a towel to go to the beach. Husband: WHAT? You mean go to the beach? Wife: Yes, what did you think I meant? Husband: Oh, nothing, bye. Wife: Bye, see you there.
My boyfriend thinks he’s hilarious.
Him: How do you break things?
Me: You break things up.
Him: Okay.
Me: Is everything okay?
Him: We’re a twig. We’re breaking up.
Hi, I was a feminist until I realised that:
A. Feminism is just a pile of dumb shit.
B. That men are actually treated unequally.
SO
we should all say sorry to the boys for pissing them off.
My grandad broke his legs.
To cheer him up, I bought him a Walkman.