Aed jokes
Men wake up with a boner.
Women wake up yawning.
Coincidence?
What do you call an Islamic LGBT member? A Gaylism.
What is better than hitting a booty? Playing with the titties.
Me: *listening to music under a tree and smiling*
Random person who sees me: Awwww look at him, he looks so so happy ^w^
Me: *actually listening to depressing music that makes me wanna kill and end myself but just smiles to show that everything's gonna be fine even if it won't*
Are you electricity? 'Cause I wanna get a bath with you ;)
9/11 and Jenga are the same.
It's a controlled demolition.
Why was the short person a coward? They didn't stand up to challenges.
A random drunk person ate poop, but he found out it was liquid...
I remember having a crush on my math teacher, so I winked at her and said, "Don't worry, babe, I'll call you later."
Your face was so ugly, you got adopted by a poop!
When a hedgehog finds poop, they put it in their mouths. They mix it with saliva until it's a foam, then rub it on themselves.
This boy was in school one day when he became desperate to go to the bathroom. So he asked the teacher, “May I use the bathroom?”
The teacher replied, “No, not unless you say your alphabet.”
So the boy said, “a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z.”
When he finished, the teacher asked him, “Where’s the p?”
The boy replied, “Half way down my leg...”
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what’s so sad?" and she said, "What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died?" I replied, "probably a bullet." She gasped and said, "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent’s heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
The most unrealistic part of Chotta Bheem is not him eating a laddu and getting power. It's him eating a whole laddu in one shot.
What day can you have sex on?
Answer: Wednesday. Why? Because it's hump day.
A Texan and an Alaskan walk in a room. The Alaskan says, "My state is bigger than yours." The Texan says, "It won't be when it melts!"
I saw a dwarf scaling down a prison wall. I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending."
How many rapists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Punchline: One, but they prefer soda bottles instead.
The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel, so I quickly turned the TV to a fishing channel. On her way out, she said: "You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"