Aed jokes
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.
A chair came to life and said, "I'm alive!"
I said, "Yes, I know I am."
I asked my friend, "Hey, did you get a haircut?" and she said, "No." Then I'm like, "Really? Then why are you bald today?"
There was a car accident, and the cops pull up to the crime scene to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said, "What happened here?" She responded by saying, "A car crash." They then asked, "But how did it happen?" She responded, "The cars crashed into each other." They finally said, "But why did it happen?" The lady said, "Oh, I know where you're going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas pedal, the car goes forward, and they both pushed it, so they both went forward and hit each other." One cop said, "Never mind, ma'am," and they started walking away.
The blonde lady then said, "Oh, and officers, my computer froze. Do you think I should put it in the microwave or in the oven?"
A couple and their friends were riding their tricycle, and one wheel fell off. They discussed what to do, and finally the friend said, "Why don't you just use me?" The boyfriend said, "Why did I not think of using the third wheel?"
I was gonna do a school shooter joke, but it was aimed at younger audiences.
I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."
My therapist said to try having a different outlook on life.
I agree. I should have a different outlook on life. Preferably from underground.
You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
Wanna ride a reindeer for Christmas? *rubs my antlers on you*
No means no, but if you use chloroform, it’s a guaranteed yes.
I went to the dam to take the dam tour, but the dam tour guide told me there wasn't going to be a dam tour that day. So I was thirsty and I wanted some dam water, but the dam man wouldn't give me any dam water, so I told the dam man to keep his dam water.
I started crying when dad was cutting onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
My grief counselor died today. He did such a great job. I don't even care.
What's the difference between a little boy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't scream when you put your meat in it.
Why is it that when women decide to kill an unborn baby, it's a "CHOICE," but when I decide to drive my F-150 into a playground full of kids, it's called "MURDER"!
Why did the skeleton have no friends?
He was a boner!
Heheheh!
Ah, see ya soon kiddo.
I'm going on break.
I'll give you some fried snow later!
What’s the difference between a motorcycle and a mutilated body?
I don’t have a motorcycle in my garage.
What animal has more lives than a cat?
A frog. It croaks every night.
A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, "I forgot to store acorns for winter, so now I am dead!" Haha, it is funny because the squirrel gets dead.