Actor jokes
Why are people surprised by Johnny Depp having $30,000 wine bills, domestic violence accusations, rampant substance abuse, poor hygiene, and the looks of a predator?
He grew up a Florida Man, after all.
One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"
"Jesus is the pioneer of Hollywood. He's still famous and my favorite idol."
What do orphans and olden day actors have in common?
Both get food thrown at them some of the time.
As an actor going to film a new TV show in another country, when TSA asks, "What’s the purpose of your visit?"... "I’m going to shoot a pilot" is never a good answer.
Johnny Depp once said in an interview: "I get older, my girlfriends stay the same age."
Maybe Johnny Depp's soulmate isn't born yet. We'll see in 20-25 years.
When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.
How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?
When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.
Why did the Secret Service detain Johnny Depp at the White House?
Because he was about to kick the cabinet.
If Bruce Willis (the guy in the Christmas movie Die Hard) dies of a Viagra overdose, would that mean he truly dies hard?
James Woods, starring in the newest movie: "September 11, two thousand fun."
I can't tell what's farther, the Great Wall of China, or how far Paul Walker flew out of his windshield.
Did you hear about the emo kid who auditioned for the school play?
He made the cut.
Amber Heard's Morning Routine
Wake Up. Eat Breakfast. Take a Shit. Get Out of Bed.
Ricardo Medina, one of the former red Power Rangers, pleaded guilty to killing his roommate with a sword.
Let's go, Brendan Fraser!
Why did Paul Walker die? Because he crashed a car into a tree.
What is stronger than family?
The tree Paul Walker hit.
"I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying."
- Charlie Chaplin
Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson has made a laudable, command decision to omit real firearms from his movie sets.
This being the case, he ought to produce, direct, and star in his next movie titled: “The Rubber Gun Squad!” 👌 😉