Active jokes
Bro, I love hanging out with bullies. It's either we play Yahtzee or we playing Nazi.
Why did the ducky get arrested?
He got caught selling quack.
Helen threw up gang signs her whole life and didn't know.
I like to commit arson as a recreational activity, you?
Today, I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.
Day 70 without sex, my doctor asked me, "Are you sexually active?" I said, "Why, what you tryna do?"
A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot.
One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $10 "pay" to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."
"Oh, my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Lowe's ever deliver the fucking sheet rock!"
Meeting a girl at the park is good. But parking meat in a girl is better.
What do you do when you finish a magazine in school?
Answer: You shoot it!
1+1? Too hard.
"What do you do with your free time?"
"I stalk."
"Really? I enjoy walks in the park, going to the movies, and hanging out with friends."
"I know."
Hello guys, imagine if we had no school and we get to do whatever we want without parents telling us what to do! What place would you want to call it and what would the fun things we get to do be? I would call it "Happy world for kids." Leave a comment telling me what it would be called! Enjoy! :)
It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.
Why do heterosexual men and women that are married in France only perform anilingus on each other in their bedrooms?
Anal sex and oral sex is against the law in France.
What do you call a heterosexual man performing fellatio on another heterosexual man?
Bisexual.
Nobody:
The Vietcong when America lands on their beaches:
tReE pOwErS aCtIvAtE!
Hey, What do you want? We broke up like 5 days ago, leave me alone. Ok, first wanna do some things? What kind of things? Illegal things. Like what? Knock you off and hide your body. 🤡🤡🗡
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.
I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.
... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
What does your girl do to me? She sucks me off.
Did you hear about the volcano that was accepted into Cambridge?
It was a decision on the number of degrees it holds, which is a lot, because volcanoes have lava if they're active. And ours was.