Action jokes

My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.

Chuck Norris and Medusa had a staring contest. Medusa turned to stone.

Chuck Norris can drift with a horse.

After work, I volunteer to help blind children. Verb, not adjective.

Why did the boy throw the clock out the window?

He wanted to see time fly.

Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?

Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.

Do you know what you first feel when you shoot someone?

The recoil.

How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.

How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.

When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.

This one kid never stands up for the pledge of allegiance, and I'm tired of it.

Today, I push him out of his wheelchair.

I can explain Superman and Batman movies in one sentence.

Two orphans fighting in the rain.

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

The way you talk is so slow that they put you in the movie Fast and Furious and changed the title to Slow and Serious!!!😂😂😭

Chuck Norris once ran all the way around the equator and kicked himself in the back.

What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?

I take off my boots when I jump on a trampoline.

What's so special about bullets?

They do work after they are fired.

How do you make a sad person jump?

A bridge.

What's the best way to catch a fish? Ask someone to throw it to you.

What's an orphan's favorite movie? Spiderman: No Way Home.

What's a good way to masturbate?

Get somebody to do it for you.

Chuck Norris: "I block bullets with my beard." Abraham Lincoln: "I catch bullets with my skull."