Action jokes
Why did the boy throw the clock out the window?
He wanted to see time fly.
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."
The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"
The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."
So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.
"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."
The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"
The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
I will always remember my dad's last words....
"15 dollars and I'll jump."
I will tell you a story. There was a fruit named Pear who was named Dyck. He one day met his friend Carrot, who was later killed after being stuck into some girl's vagina.
Pear then became very sadistic and no one loved him, and he became mentally fruit-pressed. One day he met a Banana named Harvey Weinstein, and they got married and had children who were all named Minion. Eventually, the rest of his family died, and Pear was left slowly rotting away. His last words were, "I have finally 'peared' the consequences of all my actions."
My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.
Everyone is able to be stupid, but you're just abusing the privilege.
Q: How do you get a one armed person out of a tree?
A: You wave at them.
When the emo kid is about to hang himself in the school bathroom, and the autistic kid starts swinging the rope like Indiana Jones!
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
The way you talk is so slow that they put you in the movie Fast and Furious and changed the title to Slow and Serious!!!😂😂😭
Q: How do you get the retard kid out of the tree?
A: Wave at him.
How to make time fly?
Answer: Throw a clock out of the window.
Chuck Norris can make 5 minute frosting in 4 minutes.
What's the difference between an egg and a wank?
You can beat an egg, but you can't beat a wank.
What's a good way to masturbate?
Get somebody to do it for you.
How do you get a one-armed man out of a tree?
You wave at him.
The day after Chuck Norris was born, he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Chuck Norris once stepped on a Lego.
The Lego broke in half.
After work, I volunteer to help blind children. Verb, not adjective.
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.
"Actions speak louder than words."
This doesn't apply to Stephen Hawking, however...