Action Jokes

A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.

One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."

The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"

The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."

So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.

"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."

The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"

The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."

The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"

Atoms never touch, so it means, we haven't touched each other or anything. So, sir, I did not drop-kick that child.

What's a good way to masturbate?

Get somebody to do it for you.

Some people can juggle chainsaws. Chuck Norris can juggle people juggling chainsaws.

Chuck Norris doesn't zoom out; everything moves backwards.

How does a Muslim close a door? He islams it.

I just shed my pants.

Call of Duty kill cam be like.

This is the best kill streak ever!

Why couldn’t people use the George Floyd action figure? Because it was vacuum sealed.

If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?

I will always remember my dad's last words....

"15 dollars and I'll jump."

What is something you can’t say in a superhero movie?

“Is it a bird, is it a plane, well whatever it is, it’s heading straight for the World Trade Center.”

They say they'll stay, but I left first.

Why is Kanye West's haircut actually years of work by many doctors to piece together skull fragments like a jigsaw puzzle?

Because Kanye once interrupted Chuck Norris on the set of "Walker Texas Ranger."

My mom asked me if I was okay, so I replied, "I will be," and jumped out the window!

Q: How do you make a door cry?

A: Twist its knob.

Q: How do you get a one armed person out of a tree?

A: You wave at them.

1. You can't wash your eyes with soap.

2. You can't count your hair.

3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out.

4. You just tried number three.

5. When you tried number 3, you realized it was possible, only you look like a dog.

6. You're smiling right now because you realized you were fooled.

7. You skipped number 5.

8. You just checked if there was a number 5.

9. This is not my joke; all credit goes to Steps.

What Spider-Man movie does an orphan like? Homecoming.

Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.