Action jokes

Run, bestie, run!

What's long and can never wait for more for the ladies' action and likes when it gets harder...

Your penis!

How to make time fly?

Answer: Throw a clock out of the window.

I got in trouble today because I threw a lamp at the emo kid and said, "Lighten up!"

When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.

My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.

I will always remember my dad's last words....

"15 dollars and I'll jump."

Your mom is so stupid, she thought eating ass was cannibalism.

Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."

The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."

What's the best way to catch a fish? Ask someone to throw it to you.

How do you get a one-armed man out of a tree?

You wave at him.

Chuck Norris once stepped on a Lego.

The Lego broke in half.

The day after Chuck Norris was born, he drove his mom home from the hospital.

Chuck Norris can make 5 minute frosting in 4 minutes.

What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?

At least one does something when it is triggered.

If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?