Accident jokes

Molly Burke and her mom were on a walk. Molly walked into a bar; her mom laughed and walked under it.

A man walks into a bar and ends up with a concussion.

Maybe if he looked where he was going, he wouldn’t have hit that pole.

I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he's still making fun of me.

So there's a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says, "Step on a crack and you break your mother's back." The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother's back breaking.

The little girl's father looks in terror, she then says, "Step on a line and you break your father's spine." The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out "OW MY SPINE!" The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.

A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:

Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."

Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? At least it was a soft drink.

What's yellow all over and can't swim?

A school bus full of children.

Why did Susie fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms.

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Not Susie!"

I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!

I’m about to tell you the funniest joke I heard:

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls emergency services. The operator then hears the problem and says, “Well, let’s make sure he’s dead.” A shot is then heard. The other guy says, “Ok, now what?”

Did you laugh?

U were accidental.

I was shocked when I found out my toaster was not waterproof.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She forgot to put her seatbelt on.

There was a math teacher on a plane that crashed. What was the last thing that went through their head?

A pentagon.

What's the difference between a plane and a woman?

At least the plane doesn't give you herpes when it crashes at your place.

I was riding my bike down the road!

When a car started coming, I started running.

It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)

Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms or legs.

They said I couldn't drive.

Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.

Q: What happens when an Asian with an erection walks into a wall?

A: He breaks his nose.

There was a plane crash. The pilot's names were Captain Sum Ting Wong, Wi Tu Lo, Ho Lee Fuk, and Bang Ding Ow.