Accident jokes
A man walking on his roof, carrying an axe. He drops it on someone below him and says, "Sorry, it was an axe-cident!"
I told my friend to fly a plane,
But he threw a ramp off a roof.
A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"
Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N. Oh my gosh, I'm peeing on my shoe, no one knows about it yet!
What is it called when someone is in a wheelchair and in a fire?
Hot Wheels...
Memes
If at first you don't succeed, oh well, so much for skydiving.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get hit by a bus.
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.
I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
Why did the chicken cro-
UM, ACTUALLY, THE CHICKEN CAN'T CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS IT'S UNDER SOME ROOSTER OR HEN SUPERVISION OR ELSE THE CAR WILL CRASH THE CHICKEN, AND THEY WILL DIE. 🤓
Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He's all right now.
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
I had a friend who got shot in the head.
Guess you could say he was...
Blown Away!
I was shocked when I found out my toaster was not waterproof.
Stephen only died because his wife tripped over the power cord.
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.
I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.
Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.
Kobe: Stop doing dark humor!
Me: Why? They don't land well together?
A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.
When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"
God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."
My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
He got ran over by a bus.