Accident jokes

Helen Keller fell down a well. She screamed and screamed until she was blue in the hands.

What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft? A flat miner.

"I created the Human Torch."

Yo mama so fat, She the iceberg.

What does an Asian say when his car tires burst on the highway?

"Some Ting Wheely Wong!"

Fletcher is not a lesbian. He is also not an Asian. He is also definitely not an accident.

Teacher: Little Johnny, why are you late again?

Little Johnny: I had to be there for the birth of our first mixed cow, the white cow fell on the mud! (The teacher faints)

Why does Michael Jackson avoid Pepsi? They gave him a hot one.

What did the helicopter say?

Helicopter: "Kobe!"

So this guy thought he was funny by pissing on the floor and not in the urinal.

Later on, I guess some kid ran into the bathroom because, well, he probably had to go, but yeah, he slipped and fell and hit his head on the urinal, so all in all it was a pretty good prank on his part.

I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he's still making fun of me.

Why are the 9/11 survivors the fastest readers in the world? Because they went down 109 stories in 10 seconds.

A Lew runs into a wall, what does he break? His Nose.

A Mexican runs into a wall, what does he break? His lawn mower.

I was making vegetable soup yesterday, but the wheelchair wouldn’t fit.

My heart broke as I went down the stairs, and my girlfriend broke her heart.

If at first you don't succeed, oh well, so much for skydiving.

A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."

Racecar backwards is racecar, but racecar sideways is how Paul Walker died.

Q: What’s yellow and can’t swim?

A: A bus full of children.

Stephen Hawking was in a house fire. When he got out, people called him "Hot Wheels."