Accident jokes

I told my friend to fly a plane,

But he threw a ramp off a roof.

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

A paraplegic after a house fire.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get hit by a bus.

What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.

Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He's all right now.

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.

I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”

Why did the chicken cro-

UM, ACTUALLY, THE CHICKEN CAN'T CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS IT'S UNDER SOME ROOSTER OR HEN SUPERVISION OR ELSE THE CAR WILL CRASH THE CHICKEN, AND THEY WILL DIE. 🤓

What did they find in Paul Walker's glovebox?

His head and shoulders.

If at first you don't succeed, oh well, so much for skydiving.

I had a friend who got shot in the head.

Guess you could say he was...

Blown Away!

I was shocked when I found out my toaster was not waterproof.

Stephen only died because his wife tripped over the power cord.

One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.

I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.

Kobe: Stop doing dark humor!

Me: Why? They don't land well together?

Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.

A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.

When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"

God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."

My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?

Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?

He got ran over by a bus.

What is yellow and can’t swim?

A school bus full of children.

So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).

A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”

My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?