Accident jokes

What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.

Why did the chicken cro-

UM, ACTUALLY, THE CHICKEN CAN'T CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS IT'S UNDER SOME ROOSTER OR HEN SUPERVISION OR ELSE THE CAR WILL CRASH THE CHICKEN, AND THEY WILL DIE. 🤓

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get hit by a bus.

If at first you don't succeed, oh well, so much for skydiving.

I had a friend who got shot in the head.

Guess you could say he was...

Blown Away!

I saw a bicycler flip over a gutter. It was pretty grate.

A man walking on his roof, carrying an axe. He drops it on someone below him and says, "Sorry, it was an axe-cident!"

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she was hit by a bus.

A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"

Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N. Oh my gosh, I'm peeing on my shoe, no one knows about it yet!

I told my friend to fly a plane,

But he threw a ramp off a roof.

What's yellow and can't swim? A bus full of kids.

This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.

(Do you get the joke?)

(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)

Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He's all right now.

I was shocked when I found out my toaster was not waterproof.

Stephen only died because his wife tripped over the power cord.

One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.

I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.

Kobe: Stop doing dark humor!

Me: Why? They don't land well together?

Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.

A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.

When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"

God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."