Accident jokes

When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.

See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.

A man ate a glue stick. It tasted bad. He died. Hahahahah!

I can't tell what's farther, the Great Wall of China, or how far Paul Walker flew out of his windshield.

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N. Oh my gosh, I'm peeing on my shoe, no one knows about it yet!

What is it called when someone is in a wheelchair and in a fire?

Hot Wheels...

I would make a joke about Kobe, but I don't think it would fly very well.

This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.

(Do you get the joke?)

(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)

What's yellow and can't swim? A bus full of kids.

I saw a bicycler flip over a gutter. It was pretty grate.

A man walking on his roof, carrying an axe. He drops it on someone below him and says, "Sorry, it was an axe-cident!"

I told my friend to fly a plane,

But he threw a ramp off a roof.

A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"

Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she was hit by a bus.

I was shocked when I found out my toaster was not waterproof.

Stephen only died because his wife tripped over the power cord.

One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.

I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.

Kobe: Stop doing dark humor!

Me: Why? They don't land well together?

Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.

A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.

When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"

God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."

What is yellow and can’t swim?

A school bus full of children.