Accident jokes

Tony's wife got a divorce from Tony. She said she wanted to be an independent woman.

Days later, Tony's wife had an accident. Guess who's crawling back for help. 💀

There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.

I still remember my grandpa's last words.

"Stop shaking the damn ladder!"

So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.

His new music video has been leaked. It’s called “Living in a Tree.”

I got suspended at school today. I lit a kid's wheelchair on fire and called him "Hot Wheels."

I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"

The other day my computer crashed. Luckily, there were no injuries.

I wondered why the baseball was getting closer...

Then it hit me!

Why did Sally drop her ice cream?

Because she got hit by a bus.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not Sally.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of screaming children.

"Roses are red. Violets are red. My parents' bed is red. Oh shit, I set the house on fire!"

I had a friend who got shot in the head.

Guess you could say he was...

Blown Away!

Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He's all right now.

What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.

I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get hit by a bus.

If at first you don't succeed, oh well, so much for skydiving.

Why did the chicken cro-

UM, ACTUALLY, THE CHICKEN CAN'T CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS IT'S UNDER SOME ROOSTER OR HEN SUPERVISION OR ELSE THE CAR WILL CRASH THE CHICKEN, AND THEY WILL DIE. 🤓

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

A paraplegic after a house fire.