Accident jokes

"Roses are red. Violets are red. My parents' bed is red. Oh shit, I set the house on fire!"

How do you spell racecar backwards?

racecar

How do you spell racecar sideways?

Paul Walker's death.

What is it called when someone is in a wheelchair and in a fire?

Hot Wheels...

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

A paraplegic after a house fire.

When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.

See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.

A man ate a glue stick. It tasted bad. He died. Hahahahah!

I would make a joke about Kobe, but I don't think it would fly very well.

This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.

(Do you get the joke?)

(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)

What's yellow and can't swim? A bus full of kids.

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N. Oh my gosh, I'm peeing on my shoe, no one knows about it yet!

Why did the chicken cro-

UM, ACTUALLY, THE CHICKEN CAN'T CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS IT'S UNDER SOME ROOSTER OR HEN SUPERVISION OR ELSE THE CAR WILL CRASH THE CHICKEN, AND THEY WILL DIE. 🤓

Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He's all right now.

What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.

I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”

I had a friend who got shot in the head.

Guess you could say he was...

Blown Away!

If at first you don't succeed, oh well, so much for skydiving.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get hit by a bus.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she was hit by a bus.

A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"

Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"

I told my friend to fly a plane,

But he threw a ramp off a roof.