Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a viagra, Jill was drunk fell to her knee, Jack had his chance did Jill till 3
what is red, green, lies in a ditch and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...a girl scout that got hit by a car
charli trys to roast me: roses are red violets are blue and u look like poo Me: you must of been born on the highway cuz thats where most accidents happen
my dad died in 9/11. he was such a good pilot
A rich girl is flying on his helicopter when suddenly it crashes, killing everyone. What was the last thing that went through her head?
The Helicopter Blade
I remember grandpas last words “oh shit it’s in drive”
How is Kobe’s death and people in 9/11 the same they both hit the ground really hard.
Q- How did Helen Keller get a concussion A-she kept on stepping on a rake
What did God say when he made Jake Paul?
Oops, I made a mistake.
Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book. Man 2: aww books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore. Man 1: She was in the road and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore
The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
Helicopter, Helicopter Kobe Bryant in my chopper Sitting next to burning daughter Lots of smoke and little laughter
Just accidentally emailed a porn link to a co-worker... So I emailed ten other co-workers the link and called it a virus
I would tell a 911 joke but it would probably crash and burn.
a man walks into a bar and ends up with a concussion. maybe if he looked where he was going, he wouldn’t have hit that pole.
(everyone on titanic) ahhhhhhhhhhhhh the ship will sink!!!! (person washing hands) im using the sink wait your turn!!!!! (all crew members laugh) hahahhahahahahah.
a truck carrying vicks vaporub overturned on the highway, amazingly there was no congestion for 8 hours strait
a conductor was conducting a song, at the end he through his conductor's stick and killed someone, he was put to the electric chair but nothing happened, they asked why he didn't die and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor"
I’ll never forget my father’s last words...
Oh fuck, it’s a bus!
Why did the girl fall off the swing ... because she had no arms or legs
