Accident jokes
Papyrus ran headfirst into a windmill. Guess you can call him a bonehead.
Why did Diana cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
My dad died in 9/11... He was the best pilot I know.
My dad died in 9/11....
He was a good driver.
Never take a person canoeing or kayaking if they had a cerebrovascular accident.
They’ll hear the one word they hate the most: “STROKE, STROKE, STROKE!”
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.
Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!
Why did the depressed kid cross the road?
To get hit by a car.
I was doing a race, and I started after everyone 'cause I fell, but when I got up I realized I couldn't even race, not because I was behind, but because I can't go straight if I'm gay...
You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?
If the captain of the Titanic was dumb, he would eat the iceberg.
"Jack and Jill went home because he was sick because of the virus in town, gave him a frown, and his arms were pricked."
What's the 9/11 survivors' least favorite team?
New York Jets.
One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.
Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.
Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?
Kobe: Stop doing dark humor!
Me: Why? They don't land well together?
Why was Josef Vasicek a Stanley Cup champion in 2006?
Because you know who was jealous and he went down in 2020.
You can give a hockey team airplane a new source of heating, but it went too far on September 7th, 2011, when the Yaroslavl plane crash happened.
If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.
But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.