Accident jokes
What did Pavol Demitra think before the Yaroslavl plane hit the ground?
"Oh shit, did I leave the stove on at home?"
My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.
My wife and I went to the bar to get a drink, but 2 mins later, I see her dead on the ground. I guess she couldn't see the bottle flying at her face. Then I laughed and went home.
How are Kobe’s death and people in 9/11 the same? They both hit the ground really hard.
Al Fayed’s son arrives at heaven’s gates and sees his driver.
He shouts “you stupid cunt!”
The driver says, “Watch, Boss?”
Dodi replies...:
“I said I WANT TO FUCK DI IN THE TUNNEL NOT FUCKING DIE IN THE TUNNEL!”
I have some sad news. The Australian inventor of the boomerang grenade died today. RIP 😔
I wasn't close to my dad when he died.
Which was good, he died to a landmine.
Q: How did Helen Keller get a concussion?
A: She kept stepping on a rake.
Today is sad. My sister got hit by a car, and I lost my license as a driver.
1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.
2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.
3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.
4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.
8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.
10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?
11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.
12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.
What do you call a dwarf that fell into a cement mixer?
A wee hard man.
Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms.
Your forehead is so big, if you fell, you would knock out your whole state cold.
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
Why did the planes crash into the Twin Towers?
Because the cleaner left the landing lights on!
His new music video has been leaked. It’s called “Living in a Tree.”
I rode to the bottle shop on my bike yesterday. I bought a whole bottle of wine and put it in the basket on the front of my bike.
Then I thought, if I fell off my bike on the way back home, it would smash and shatter. So I drank all the wine and threw away the bottle.
It was a good idea, because I fell off my bike about four times on the way back.
Why did Johnny drop his pencil?
To look up girls' skirts! 😬🤯😲😳😱🙀🙊
Why did the autistic kid walk across a busy road?
He was chasing his mind and got hit by a car.
Kobe's favorite song was "It's going down for real."