Abuse jokes
My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”
I went into a CS:Go lobby and all I heard for ten minutes straight was, "Act like you're hard, but your dad beat you harder."
What is a pedophile's favorite job?
The mall santa.
Q: Why is it fun to hit an orphan?
A: Who are they going to tell, their parents?
You know you have a domestic abuse problem when you beat your dick.
What did the pedophile say to the kids?
"FUCK!"
What is it called when you whoop a donkey?
A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.
Why do I call my dog a vibrator?
Because every time my dog acts like a dildo, I beat him, and when I beat him, he shakes. What do you call a shaking dildo? A vibrator, therefore I call my dog a vibrator.
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
What happens when you bring a paedophile to a baby's birthday party?
You will have even more birthday parties to go to.
What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.
What kind of file turns a 1.5 cm hole into a 4.5 cm hole?
A pedophile.
My mum touched my friend, but she wasn’t the she’s only 12.
They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:
Thou shalt not f... altar boys.
Q: How can you tell that a pedophile likes music?
A: He rapes D minor.
Why do pedophiles never cum first?
Because they like to cum in a little behind.
What do you call a cross between a priest and a child?
The cross shoved up the priest’s ass as he ‘downward dogs’ the kid.
Why was the egg runny?
Because he'd just had sex with Jimmy Saville.
What's the first thing that a battered woman does when she gets out of the shelter?
My last if she knows what's good for her.
What do 100,000 battered women have in common? The bitch was wrong!