What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a pedophile?
One is Catholic and the other is a priest.
A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him up!
Watching "50 Shades of Grey" was more painful than my uncle fisting me as a kid.
What's a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds?
They are all locked in the Priest's basement.
What's the difference between a PC and a 6 year old? I don't have to clean out my PC.
A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess.
His family is nuts.
His neighbor is an asshole.
His best friend is a pussy.
And his owner beats him.
What job do you want if you don't want people's twos since?
A Catholic priest.
My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.
All of the jokes are just abuse.
Random person: Imma smack you so hard your skin pigment changes!
Me: Who the hell do you think you are? Michael Jackson’s dad?
What’s the relationship between a pedophile and a light bulb? They're both meant for dark rooms.
7 little children gathered around the bed Bill Cosby's fantasy.
All he wants to do is tickle the kids, it's as plain as can be.
7 cellmates gathered around the bed ready to rape Bill Cosby instead.
My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”
I went into a CS:Go lobby and all I heard for ten minutes straight was, "Act like you're hard, but your dad beat you harder."
What is a pedophile's favorite job?
The mall santa.
Q: Why is it fun to hit an orphan?
A: Who are they going to tell, their parents?
You know you have a domestic abuse problem when you beat your dick.
What did the pedophile say to the kids?
"FUCK!"
What is it called when you whoop a donkey?
A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.
Why do I call my dog a vibrator?
Because every time my dog acts like a dildo, I beat him, and when I beat him, he shakes. What do you call a shaking dildo? A vibrator, therefore I call my dog a vibrator.
