Abuse jokes

My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.

I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.

She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.

What do a plastic bag and Jeffery Epstein have in common?

They're both dangerous to children.

I actually want peace, not war.

That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.

I'd tell a child abuse joke, but I forget the punchline.

Some people think jokes about child abuse are funny.

I'm not sure if I think that, but they do seem to hit different.

When you hear Michael Jackson talk about his "perfect 10," make sure you hide your 10-year-old son.

Why did the African child wake up suddenly? Because he was being sexually abused.

My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.

Two priests are pulled over by the police. One priest asks the cop what the reason for pulling them over is. The cop says, "We are looking for two child molesters." The priest look at each other and tell the cop they'll do it.

Sippin' on promethazine With lean, I fell in love.

I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup.

What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?

"I woke up Chris Breezy."

What is the difference between a broom and a mop?

It’s hard to beat my girlfriend when she’s holding the mop.

This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.

What does broccoli and sex have in common?

If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.

I found Jeffrey Epstein’s diary the other day.

The last entry was about 12 years old.

What do priests give children?

Syphilis.

What is the difference between your dad and a video game?

Your dad doesn’t beat you.

A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."

Where did Jeffrey Epstein go to college?

Bring them young.