Ability jokes
What’s the difference between someone who is high on the spectrum [and] low on the spectrum? At least I can write this joke.
I'm psychicking your butt.
Why are retards good at basketball?
'Cause they dribble all the time!
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Yes, because a house doesn’t jump.
Why was Stephen Hawking so good at FIFA? He had 99 dribble.
Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a woman... no other reasons besides that.
What do you call a woman who says she can do anything a man can do?
Wrong.
A kid got a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. He was still unhappy.
Why?
The kid had no legs.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman.
Jesus could walk on water, and Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Chuck Norris can make 5 minute frosting in 4 minutes.
Chuck Norris knows the location of Atlantis.
Chuck Norris doesn't zoom out; everything moves backwards.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He just stares them down and gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number. You answered the wrong telephone.
Chuck Norris wins a staring contest. -- Against Medusa.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
"Chuck? How many push-ups can you do?" -- "All of them."