What do you call a man who can fly? A flying man.
What do you call a woman with magical abilities and an android? Wanda Maximoff and Vision! Or.... Scarlet Witch and Vision! This joke was added to celebrate and honour Marvel Studios' new series: WandaVision!
People at school thought I had special powers. It was something called "Constant supervision."
Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.
Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
Why can’t blind people read this? They can’t see
That moment when the disabled kid has to take the Pacer test.
Why was Hellen Keller a bad driver? She was a woman.
Also, I have the same Birthday as her, so I have the pass.
What is the difference between a school bus and a baseball?
You can throw a baseball, and you can’t throw a school bus.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? Because she has no arms.
What can fly?
Bird.
Why couldn't Professor Xavier fight Magneto? Because he couldn't stand up for himself.
There are three types of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.
Chuck Norris once did a roundhouse kick... and successfully completed the bottle cap challenge.
The day after Chuck Norris was born, he drove his mom home from the hospital.
What is the best power that man can do? They can move the mountain with their tongue.
What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.
Some people can juggle chainsaws. Chuck Norris can juggle people juggling chainsaws.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Two muffins are sitting in a bar.
The first muffin says to the bartender, "I'll have the usual."
The second one does not say anything to the bartender because muffins lack the vocal ability of humans, and even with the proper anatomy capable of speech access, they would most certainly be entirely unable to comprehend the human language. In fact, the first muffin would indefinitely not be able to provide speech to the bartender. The muffins also lack the muscular structure to be capable of support themselves to being suspended also preventing their access to movement. Even with the human-like structure, muffins lack brains, which are an essential part of being able to send nerve contact within the legs to be able to move. Also, with them lacking a brain structure entirely prevents them from speech. The anatomy simply prohibits the food items mentioned to be able to carry out any of the tasks required to get them to said bar and be able to speak, thus making the situation untruthful and completely idiotic.
