Ability jokes

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a woman.

Jesus could walk on water, and Chuck Norris can swim through land.

Chuck Norris can make 5 minute frosting in 4 minutes.

Chuck Norris knows the location of Atlantis.

Chuck Norris doesn't zoom out; everything moves backwards.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He just stares them down and gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number. You answered the wrong telephone.

Chuck Norris wins a staring contest. -- Against Medusa.

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

"Chuck? How many push-ups can you do?" -- "All of them."