Worst Jokes Ever
Bro told me this when he passed away.
I’m “Fading.”
Stop joking about Helen Keller so much! It’s rude, poor woman! You all just wait till she hears about this!
A cop pulls two Arabian men over, walks up to their window, and says, "We are looking for two child molesters!"
Now after a short pause, the two men look at each other, then back at the officer and say, "We'll do it!"
My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and went right.
Roses are red, Get on the ground, Gimme your stuff, Get ready to drown!
Best emoji: 🫃
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"
-not my joke
How are Kentucky Fried Chicken and a woman the same?
Once you take away the legs and the breasts, you’re left with one greasy box to put your bone in.
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender could squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time, weight lifters, lumberjacks, men in the Army, and etc. But still, nobody could do it.
One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "okay," and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?" The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS."
What stresses a baby strawberry out?
When its mom is in a jam.
When does a computer function best? When it listens to its motherboard.
Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.
Silence is golden. Unless you have kids, then silence is suspicious.
Note to all moms of teens, keep a dog. That way, someone is excited to see you!
What's it like to have the best daughter in the world? You'll have to ask grandma!
Who was the first anesthesiologist? Hitler.
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.
What’s the difference between Anne Frank and Harry Potter?
Only one came out of the chamber.
Balls deep.
Why can't you make jokes about catholic priests?
Because they blow up in your face.