Worst Jokes Ever
I can't stand being in a wheelchair.
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? -- Because they lactose.
Wives are like grenades. Remove the ring and boom, the house is gone!
I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? -- It was a grave mistake.
How does Moses prepare his tea? -- Hebrews it.
Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
RIP boiling water. You will be mist.
If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?
If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.
What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"
What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.
"What does the word 'gay' mean?" asked a son of his father.
"It means 'happy'," replied the father.
"Oh," contested the son, "so you are gay then?"
"No, son, I have a wife."
Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it... He's gay, definitely gay.