Worst Jokes Ever

I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder

Muslims don't need weed, they've got the Koran.

You burn that sh*t and you're gonna get stoned.

Kid: I'm hungry.

Dad Bot: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

Teenager: I'm Hitler did nothing wrong.

Dad Bot: Hi Hitler did nothing wrong, I'm dad.

Nazi: Finally!

A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.

My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.

Why is Stephen Hawking in hell?

He couldn't get his wheelchair up the stairway to heaven.

What do you call a bunch of white people in an elevator?

A box of crackers.

A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies with, "I'm blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde." Then says, "Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke?" The blind guy responds with, "No, I don't wanna tell it that many times."

Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.

I was with my blind friend, and he's telling me, "Yeah, I can read braille." So I hand him a Lego brick and ask him to read it. Apparently, Lego has been hiding a dark secret from us for years; as all their bricks read, "Screw you, asshole."

Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"

Girl: "Dude, this is a library."

Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)

I will always remember my grandpa's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

Who's the fastest reader?

Me, 'cause I'll be jumping off so many stories.

So my friend and I went camping at a Cold Lake Campground and he jumped into it without any warning, and so I asked him, "Wat-er you doing?"

My penis is too big for my dad to suck it, so my mum sucks it instead.

I saw a man trying to rape a girl. I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against both of us.

Chimmy: (smoking because of fireplace)

Chimmy2: You're too young to smoke.

What is the best cure for aging?

Suicide.

Q: If George Washington was alive today, what would he do?

A: Scratch mercilessly at the coffin walls, while screaming at the top of his lungs!

What is the difference between a snow woman and a snowman?

Snowballs.