Worst Jokes Ever
When a school shooter walks to the intercom and plays Pumped Up Kicks.
A white dad, a priest, and a rabbi all run out a burning school, and the dad says, “What about the kids?” and the rabbi replies to him saying, “Fuck the kids,” and the priest says, “Think we got enough time?”
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back.
A 10-year-old: "I don't want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn't think I'm happy 24/7."
A 10-year-old, a week later: "Damn... my life is shitty..."
<2 years later> 12-year-old: "What is de-pre-ssion?" *googles it*
Now 14-year-old: "Oh..."
Dad: "I'm giving all your toys to the orphanage."
Kid: "Why are you doing that?"
Dad: "So you won't get bored there."
"Bill, never do that again."
Little Susie had gotten her first period. She told her mom, and they bought pads.
The next month, Susie's mom asked if she had her second one. Suzie said no, and her mom fainted!
I nutted on the wall, call that a walnut.
Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.
Us: haha penis.
Korea: That sounds like a park name.
On a hot summer's day, a famous celebrity tweeted, "It is a beautiful day, and I'm deciding which kid to have fun with today." To which the local priest replied, "I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today."
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together!
I had a gold fish who could breakdance on the carpet.
For 20 seconds.
And only once... :(
I've never worn my gay sweater, it hasn't come out of the closet yet.
What side of the sidewalk do crazy people walk on? The psych-o-path.
Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.
A child has diarrhea and asked his mom for a Viagra. "Why in the world do you want that?" she asked him. He looks at her and says, "Well, that's what you gift dad when his shit won't get hard."
Broccoli says, "I look like a tree."
Walnut says, "I look like a brain."
Cashew says, "I look like a kidney."
Banana says, "Can we change the topic please?"
What do you call a stick with a string on the end of it?
A fishing pole.
"Stop, that's mean! You're making fun of people with Down syndrome!"