Worst Jokes Ever
*on a date*
me - "I get to work with animals all day."
her - "How sweet! What do you do?"
me - "I'm a butcher."
Dark humor is a lot like food.
Not everyone gets it.
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!
That's the best I've done so far.
What do a pedophile and a clock have in common? Neither of them go past 12.
Yo mama is so skinny, she uses floss as toilet paper.
What is a penguin without a pen? A guin...
Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?
He wanted to keep his nuts dry.
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
What do you do when life gives you lemons? Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist. 🙂💊💉
Why can't two Chinese people have a white baby? Because "two wongs don't make a white."
So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?
And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.
This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"
"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"
What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?
Halloween. Free delivery!
What is the difference between a Rubik’s cube and a penis? I don’t know, but they both get harder the more you play with them.
What do you call a redneck sister who runs faster than her brothers?
A virgin.
Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note... it's a start...
Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?
Museum girl: Committing suicide.
Allan: What about Friday night?
Whenever I see a dog video, I just take a second to press paws.
What did the penis say to the condom?
"Cover me, I'm going in!"