Worst Jokes Ever
Once there were twins, Mark and Michael. Mark was the owner of an old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible." Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted.
Why do dwarfs laugh when they run a race? Because the grass tickles their balls.
Q: What did the egg do when the bacon told it a joke?
A: It cracked up!
Lady: Will you fuck me?
Man: No, I don’t have a penis.
Lady pulls down man's pants and looks in them. "Yes, you do!" she says.
Man: Oh, I forgot it was there.
Bully: "Nobody loves you."
Me: "Aww, it must have hurt when your mom told you that."
You wanna know why I love trains?
They end my suffering.
Boy, your momma so ugly she’s denied from the homeless parties in the dumpster.
Quiet kid, your momma so funny she made a joke pop out her a*s.
JFK was one of the most open-minded presidents. It really blows my mind how great he was.
If you bet on Russian roulette, even if you win, you still lose.
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense. Baby, we didn’t spend all that time in the closet for nothing.
Yo mama is like train tracks; she gets laid all around the country.
If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree, which will hit the ground first?
The piece of paper because the rope will stop the emo.
What do squirrels and men have in common?
They always want a nut.
Ancestry.com is spelled with an “I” in Alabama.
When you end up pregnant...
Mom told me if a boy touched my breast I should say "DON'T," and if he touched me down there I should say "STOP." But Dad, he touched me both places at once so I said, "DON'T STOP! DON'T STOP!" 😂
What's strong enough for a man but made for a woman?
The back of my hand.
Mother: Who do you like more, me or your dad?
Liam: I like you both.
Mother: Ok, if I go to america and your dad goes to paris, where will you go?
Liam: I will go to paris.
Mother: That's means you like dad more.
Liam: No, its because i like paris.
Mother: Ok, fine, if I go to paris and your dad goes to america, where will you go?
Liam: I will go to America.
Mother: Why?
Liam: Because I have already gone to paris.
Richard: Mom, someone called me gay.
Richard's mom: Why didn't you slap him across his face?
Richard: No, I couldn't.
Richard's mom: Why?
Richard: Because he was cute.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at a hospital?
Reload and keep shooting.
Why did the monster 🧟♀️ put the cook in a bowl?
He wanted a chef salad. 🥗😂