Worst Jokes Ever

Trump's releasing the files.

To catch all the pedophiles.

He didn't know Epstein.

Didn't touch any teens.

I tried to rape Amy Winehouse, but she said, "No! No! No!"

Inside a room full of squares, buckets, and tints, there are two inspectors. One is called Mr. Right, the other one is called Mr. Wrong. Because of their names, the first one is trusted more than the second one.

Mr. Wrong eventually got tired of that and worked on a plan for how more people could trust him. He took a jigsaw and he started to cut into his brain and sawed away half of his brain. It was still working.

Then he took a loaf of toast, cut it into half and glued it on his head, and then he made a strawberry cream and sprayed it on the toast. Because people couldn't recognize him as "Mr. Wrong," he was able to solve more cases.

Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"

Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."

What goes up but never comes down? Your age. You have probably heard this joke before.

An old teacher asked her student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?" The student replied, "It is obviously past."

What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? -- Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.

I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.

What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.

Why do the French eat snails?

They don't like fast food.

Yo mama so fat she sat on an iPhone and turned it into an iPad.

What is the difference between butter and a blonde? - Butter is difficult to spread.

Why did the lettuce win the race?

A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"

The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"

The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?

The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.

School is like a boner. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers, and says, "You guys should know your limits."

Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?"

Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? - In case he got a hole in one.

How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.