Worst Jokes Ever
I can't find out where Stephen Hawking is from, I just can't place his accent.
Teacher: “Alright, we’re going to play Kahoot! Please use your real name.”
That one kid putting Joe: -_-
Teacher: Who’s Joe?
The whole class: JOE MAMA!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought Voldemort was ugly, but then I met you.
What do cats eat for breakfast?
"Mice Krispies!"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The chicken next to him farted.
What kind of star would go to jail?
A shooting star!
Why did the Indian cross the road?
Because he opened a corner shop on the other side.
Best way to stop a fight between deaf people?
Just turn off the lights.
Welcome to the abortion clinic. You make 'em, we scrape 'em. No fetus can beat us.
How did the tree get sick?
It got tinsel-itis.
An Irishman walks into a pub.
What did Hellen Keller do when she fell in a hole?
She screamed until her hands got tired.
Guess what?
Good guess.
Why did Adolf Hitler like nuts? He only had one.
Retards.
Did you know cannibals ate KFC?
Kentucky Fried Children.
A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down in the waiting room. When it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, "Well, I have good news and bad news." The woman says, "I'll hear the good news first please." The doctor replies, "The good news is we're naming a disease after you!"
What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?
They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.
"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."
Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.
The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.
The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
Q: If Adolf Hitler was a sea creature, which would he be?
A: Adlof-in.