Worst Jokes Ever
A salesman rings the doorbell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”
What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both are easy to lay. Both costly and time-consuming to get rid of.
What did Saint Peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly gates? "Wipe that Merc off your face."
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two; 1 to screw it in, and the other to suck my dick.
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.
Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."
The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"
What do Time Clocks like to play?
Tick Tack Toe.
Why are there 25 letters in the alphabet? Because the D is in U.
Teachers at a school shooting be like: damn it. That's the third one this week and it's only Monday.
My grandfather said we rely on technology too much, so I unplugged his life support. Luckily, I remember his last words: "You little bastard!"
Nobody:
Michael Jackson: giving kids a free cream pie.
What do you call a blind racist?
A not see.
When a fat person steps on a scale, it says: “To be continued.”
Who was purple and wanted to rule the world?
Alexander the Grape.
I'm shocked, my new toaster isn't waterproof.
My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:
Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!
No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.
Confucius say, female pilot who fly upside down have crack up.
What do you call a dwarf police officer?
A guinea pig.
Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.
Son: That’s too baaaaaad!
Why don't midgets use tampons?
Answer: They are always tripping over the string.
I got kicked out of the hospital for saying, "Stay Positive," to the corona patients.
My autistic son hates taking baths or showers.
I don’t blame him, I don’t like soggy vegetables either.