Worst Jokes Ever
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"Ash."
"Ash who?"
"Bless you!"
Why did the math book go to the psychologist?
It had too many problems.
Why are theaters popular among cows?
They enjoy watching moovies.
Why was 9 afraid of 20?
Because 28, 29.
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you're super annoying and won't shut up.
I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a light bulb? Obviously not 8, because it's still dark in my basement.
How's Donald Trump going to get rid of all the Mexicans? -- Juan by Juan.
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? -- Because the cow has the udder.
Why was Cinderella banned from playing sports? Because she always ran away from the ball.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? -- The tea bag stays longer in a cup.
I've decided to marry a pencil. I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So, they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
There's 10 kind of people in the world. Those who know binary and those who don't.
Where do the Borg eat fast food?
Borger King.
3.14% of sailors are...
π-rates.
A cop stopped a guy for speeding.
He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.
The cop said, "But there is no traffic."
And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."
I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
I now have $999,999.75.
My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."