Worst Jokes Ever
A time traveler walks into a bar.
He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey.
A guy finds a genie.
He says, "I wish I was better at talking to women."
"Poof!" the genie says, "You're gay!"
No matter how much I love cake...
I would never dessert you.
Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection.
A fake name and a fake phone number.
Why did the pirate kids ride the short bus to school?
Because they were retarrrrrrrrrded.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
What is the opposite of Progress?
Congress.
What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas?
He went to the Shell station.
Woman jokes aren't funny, period.
What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?
An ingestigation.
Why do shepherds never learn to count?
Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.
I used to be a banker...
But then I lost interest.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
What STD can you get from phone sex?
Hearing AIDS.
I don't trust atoms.
They make up everything.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
It's easy to roast beef.
What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?
"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."
What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?
Names.
Where did the sheep get a haircut?
At the baa-baa shop.
How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool?
"Please get out of the pool."