Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?
Because every little bit helps!
Worst Jokes Ever
What game do emo kids love the most?
Hangman.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion?
Me time.
My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.
What did the water say to the cup?
"Good day!"
Know your ABCs! Assholes, bitches, and cocaine!
A guy threatened to touch me yesterday...
What do you call a crowd of horny white women?
A field of cotton waiting to be picked.
Who led the Israelites through the semipermeable membrane?
Osmoses.
What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?
House of Pain—"Jump Around."
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
Theory is when you know everything but nothing works.
Practice is when everything works but no one knows why.
In our lab, theory and practice are combined: Nothing works and no one knows why.
We aren't ghosts, but I'll take you under the sheets.
They say I have a silver tongue, I'll let you make it white.
I'm not counting, but I have some fingers for you.
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house looks like.
What do orgasms and impulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
His hand caught on fire.
How do you make an octopus laugh?
You give it ten tickles.
What did God say when he made the first woman?
"Where is your dick at?"
