Worst Jokes Ever

My mom told me to make my dad smile, and she will give me $100, so I said, "The Cowboys are gonna win the Super Bowl." He smiled, but my mom didn't give it to me.

Anyways, I forgot about my package coming, and the mailman came, and I said, "I like your hat; teal looks nice on you," and he smiled, and my mom gave me $100.

I had a disability where I kept pronouncing my "g" as an "r", so one day, I said I liked grapes. Of course, I pronounced it "I like rapes." I was kicked out of preschool.

"Oh, waiter! Waiter!"

"Yes, sir?"

"Do you have frog's legs?"

"Why, yes."

"Good. Now hop along and get me a steak!"

What borders on stupidity?

Canada and Mexico.

When a woman decides to abort, it is called a decision, but when I run my truck into a playground of kids, it is called murder.

Any joke that I make about 9/11 has a tendency to crash and burn.

The Titanic before the iceberg be like: "We can't go under it, we gotta go through it!"

Roses are red, violets are blue, I buttfucked Scooby Doo.

Little Johnny went on a camping trip. All the tents were taken, so he shared with the teacher. So Little Johnny says: "Can I play with your bellybutton? My mom always lets me when we camp." So the teacher says: "Sure." 5 minutes later the teacher says: "Woah, woah, woah that's not my bellybutton!" Little Johnny says: "Woah, woah, woah, that's not my finger."

Me and your mom in the bed.

Teacher: Tell me a moral story.

Little Johnny: Once my grandfather was in WW2. He saw everyone praising to kill him. For example, we should sneak up and kill him. We get the helicopter above and shoot him from there. My grandfather heard this, he got his gun and shot them all.

Teacher: What is the moral even?

Little Johnny: Never plan to kill my grandfather.

My gardener found a dead body. Of the old gardener!

How do you make rape funny? Tickle her while you do it.

Yo mama's so fat that when she went sky diving, she caused another global extinction.

Why do we not have female magicians? Because last time we had them, we burned them alive.

Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.

What is long that Paul Walker can fit into his mouth? A long black tree.

Why did Trump go to Jeffrey's secret Island?

So he could trump that little bitch!

Why did Texas freeze to death? Because they're retarded.

9/11 was like the 4th of July. It was very bright in the skies.