Worst Jokes Ever
When I was 14, my mum caught me wanking, and she slapped me across the face. A couple weeks later, my dad caught me having a beer, and he made me drink 40 beers. I just thought, "Well, I'm glad he didn't catch me wanking."
I am a registered sex offender. I'm just playing, I'm not registered yet.
One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. "What's in the box?" the priest asks. "Christian kittens," the little girl answers.
Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way.
A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. "Ask her what she has in the box," he says, "It's the cutest thing!"
The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. "Atheist kittens," she says.
The priest rushes forward and says, "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were 'Christian kittens!!!'"
"They were," she says. "Now their eyes are open."
If a white cop had a black dick, would he beat it to death?
My therapist told me to write angry letters to those that upset me and never send them.
He is really going to hate the letter he never gets.
Why doesn’t Pakistan have any football teams?
Every corner they get, they open a shop on it!
What do you call an Asian who can't hear?
Wha U Sai
When you split Uranus in half, it is "ur-anus." That's why it has a butts joke. Weird.
What do you call a white girl having a seizure? A vanilla shake.
Your family tree looks like a circle 💀💀💀
9/11 victims are the best readers.
They went through hundreds of stories in a few seconds.
If you get pinched by a man in a wheelchair, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
Michael Jackson was recently sighted at Target. Why? The sale was all boys' pants half off!
One day I was walking along the street and I found some caution tape... Just sitting there torn up... Beat up, and you could barely unravel it anymore because I would just burst into shreds... It kinda reminded me of what happened to my sister's killer... They still haven’t found him yet... I’m really good at hide and seek!
You are so ugly, Hello Kitty had to say bye-bye.
What's the only part of a vegetable you cannot eat?
Wheelchair.
What's the difference between a knife and my life?
A knife has a point.
If you say to someone, "Have a nice day!" it will make them happy. If you say, "Enjoy the next 24 hours," they'll be terrified.
They found out that Michael Jackson was transgender, he went from he/him to hee-hee.
Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is actually your sister."
The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:
Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even hotter!"
Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Ohhhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."
This went on a couple of times, and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.
Son: "Mum, I am so mad at Dad! I fell in love with six girls, but I can't date any of them because Daddy is their father!"
The mother hugs him affectionately and says:
"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father!"