Worst Jokes Ever

I was in a public bathroom in a handicap stall, and when I got out, a handicapped man told me that I was an a**hole. I told him, "Bet you won't stand up and say that to my face," and then he broke down.

On 9/11, the Twin Towers ordered 3 pepperoni pizzas. One came in plain, the other came in late, the third went to the wrong address.

a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying "i'm on my period." the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion

What number is better; 46 or 47?

I don't know, ask the kid with Down syndrome.

What's the difference between a feminist and a pencil?

One of them has a POINT:)

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.

But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.

You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?

They are a total rip off.

So, there were kids in the bus, and half of them were white, and the other half was black.

All the kids wanted to sit at the back, so the bus driver said to all the kids, "Stop fighting. From now on, everyone is now green." So, the bus driver said to all the kids, "Dark green go to the front, and light green at the back."

This is a lot like anal sex.

You always miss 100% of the shots if you don't take it.

If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?

When you're going 80 mph and hit a speed bump,

Then the speed bump starts screaming.

When you’re fucking your boss and realize it’s a family business.

When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.

Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.

My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.

My Smoothie Ingredients: - Bananas - Strawberry - The Blood of my ex - Peanut Butter

Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?

Because it's finger lickin' good!

I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts,' which, on one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.

"Dick dick dick, fuck dick nugget shit."

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a pencil.