Worst Jokes Ever
I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.
"Rehab's for quitters, and I don't give up."
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it's from.
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, "She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?" The wife replies, "Perform the fucking autopsy!"
Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.
What's the difference between my dad and cancer? Cancer doesn't leave you.
What has three balls and flies through space?
E.T. the extra testicle.
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”
He responded with, “The cat is dead.”
She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”
“She’s playing on the roof.”
Why did the man become stupid?
Cause he was suicidal, herbivorous. Ja...
How do you escape a French prison?
Yell angrily in German!
Y'know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"? No, it screeches.
Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
A: So she can moan with the other.
"Hey, today was great."
"What happened?"
"I ran into my ex today."
"What's so great about that?"
"I was in my car."
Roses are red, give me some limes, boy dies after masturbating 42 times.
Roses are red, Violets are blue... I fucked your mother's ass, and she had you.
Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.
I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.
In America, planes hit the Twin Towers. In Soviet Russia, Twin Towers hit planes.
Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.