Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

I should be ashamed of myself for making all these jokes at the expense of the disabled! After all, they can't even stand up for themselves.

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  • "You're da bomb!" "No, you're da bomb!"

    In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.

    A man walks up to a priest. The man says, "I am Jesus Christ." The priest says, "No, you are not my son." The man says, "Follow me." The man walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Jesus Christ, you're back!"

  • 9
  • There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard: the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills," grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence," grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."

    I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning.

    A depressing but satisfying victory.

    Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn't all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.

    *Loud explosion inside the tank*

    "Where's the commander?" "He's gone." "Where has he gone?" "All over the place."

  • 1
  • A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.

    The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."

    The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."

    The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."

    What was Stephen Hawking's favorite childhood song? "The wheels on the chair go round and round....."

    what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.